Dave Barry's Blog

December 24, 2016

В таком случае, сэр, вы свободны.*

A Russian drunk driver who rammed his way into Kazan International Airport chased by police has told a court he was meeting a lady friend and "fighting for love".

^*In that case, sir, you are free to go.

(Thanks to Craig Roberts)

Posted by Dave on December 24, 2016 at 11:35 AM
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FLORIDAAAAAAAAAAA

A South Florida beauty queen is charged with attacking a man during a drunken party at her home.

(Thanks to Jon Harris, who says "not Miss Congeniality.")

Posted by Dave on December 24, 2016 at 11:27 AM
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IT'S THE MOST WONDERFUL TIME OF THE YEAR

Man disguised as Father Christmas hands out sweets before robbing a bank

Guy on YouTube blows up a Christmas tree with dynamite.

(Thanks to Ross Couples and Roberto)

Posted by Dave on December 24, 2016 at 11:25 AM
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TO ALL YOU BLOG FOLKS WHO BELONG TO THE TRIBE:

Happy Chanukah, however you choose to spell it.

Posted by Dave on December 24, 2016 at 11:20 AM
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TIME FOR A WALL ON THE NORTHERN BORDER

Pantless Canadian passenger is detained for 'hijacking a baggage-towing vehicle and driving on tarmac at Orlando airport after he was barred from flight for behaving erratically'

(Thanks to The Perts, Patty Villanova and Ralph)

Posted by Dave on December 24, 2016 at 11:14 AM
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December 23, 2016

AHEM

Vet catches bird flu from a cat

Posted by Dave on December 23, 2016 at 02:16 PM
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CSI: DENNY'S

The cop learned that workers Nancy Michelle Kirkpatrick, 56, and Quanisha Dre’Shawn Fenn, 21, had “got into an argument over a hard boiled egg.” During the squabble, Fenn said, Kirkpatrick called her a “bitch.” “After that,” a cop reported, “Ms. Fenn called her mother.”

(Thanks to Al Barkafski)

Posted by Dave on December 23, 2016 at 02:03 PM
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GET THAT NOBEL PRIZE READY

Smartphone toilet paper' at Tokyo airport

(Thanks to Nancy Gill)

Posted by Dave on December 23, 2016 at 02:00 PM
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'IT'S MORE STABLE THAN A SAMSUNG PHONE'

A hand grenade was used to crack walnuts for 25 years by a villager in China who had no idea what he was using until he saw a photo of a grenade on a leaflet handed out by local police.

(Thanks to Ross Couples)

Posted by Dave on December 23, 2016 at 12:03 PM
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THE EXCITEMENT MOUNTS

Idaho Potato Drop unveils new GlowTato

(Thanks to Craig Roberts)

Posted by Dave on December 23, 2016 at 12:00 PM
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OTHER THAN THAT IT WAS A LOVELY AFFAIR

Awoyemi tweeted that the brawl was sparked after the bride's ex allegedly placed [photos] on guest tables of her performing a sex act.

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson and Ross Couples)

Posted by Dave on December 23, 2016 at 10:39 AM
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CANADA: A NATION IN CHAOS

Someone in Alberta rode a Zamboni to a Tim Hortons drive-thru

(Thanks to Dave N., Ralph and PirateBoy)

The Beer Store has appointed Charles Dougall as Ontario’s first beer ombudsman.

(Thanks to The Perts)

Posted by Dave on December 23, 2016 at 06:07 AM
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December 22, 2016

POLITICAL UPDATE

Trump chooses Sean Spicer for press secretary

But we know who Sean's FIRST choice was:

Posted by Dave on December 22, 2016 at 04:43 PM
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HOORAY

A Swedish doctor nicknamed 'Dr Anal' because of his controversial massage techniques to cure ailments such as headaches could soon be allowed to work again.

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

Posted by Dave on December 22, 2016 at 03:45 PM
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THE OTHER END OF THE AXIS IS OF COURSE SQUIRRELS

One conservancy organization has called cats the "ecological axis of evil."

(Thanks to Steve K.)

Posted by Dave on December 22, 2016 at 03:41 PM
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THIS IS AFTER YOUR CIRCUMCISION

YOU MIGHT SPEND 2 YEARS OF YOUR LIFE HUNGOVER

(Thanks to Allen at Division)

Posted by Dave on December 22, 2016 at 01:05 PM
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FIRST YOU GET THREE LITERS OF VODKA

Millions of adult men are being urged to have circumcisions. So how does it work?

(Thanks to funny man)

Posted by Dave on December 22, 2016 at 01:03 PM
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AFTER IT PRODUCED A DRIVER'S LICENSE

Florida woman allowed to keep her clothes-wearing pet alligator

Autoplay.

(Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)

Posted by Dave on December 22, 2016 at 01:01 PM
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CANADIAN TERRORISM UPDATE

Canadians sent home for trying to sneak cat into New Zealand

(Thanks to Le Petomane)

Posted by Dave on December 22, 2016 at 10:07 AM
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PROTECTING YOUR CHRISTMAS TREE FROM YOUR CAT

There are ways.