"Yes, Speaker Ryan, this is called a 'spine', 

something you're probably not familiar with."

"I thought I was smarmy until I met Reince Priebus."

They Live Lives!

Dweebs, Dorks, and Doofuses #73

James Carafano

Christians Say the Darndest Things

Had Rasputin not been poisoned, shot three times, and 

dumped in the river, Trump could have added him

 to the NSC as Steve Bannon's adjutant.

Coming Soon to a Theatre Near You #155

It Came from Beneath the Valley of the Ultra-Idiots

One has to admit that Trump's Pokémon Trading Card

 collection is YOOOGE!

"Like Trump says, the world is a 

horrible mess!"

Remember The Hateful Eight? Well, this is The Spiteful Six.

"That's another thing. Meathead. Why must you always 

call me Meathead?"

Captain Alt-Kangaroo

World's Worst Yobs #377

Jazz Shaw

Let it be understood that not all fat persons are dirty

nor are all dirty persons fat.

Don't call it 'Trumpcare'. Call it 'TrumpDontGiveaShit'.

Know Your Lunchmeat

"Our REAL problem is that many men have no choice but to 

rape because they have no opportunities to date attractive 

women, like me."

Richard Nixon had the backing of the Silent Majority.

Donald Trump has the backing of the Invisible Majority.

The Great Ugly Balloon Race of 2017

“Anyone who knows Paul Ryan knows he doesn’t have a 

mean-spirited bone in his body. In fact, like me, he doesn't 

have ANY bones in his body."

Kellyanne Conway Shows Up for the

Battle of Bunker Hill 242 Years

Too Late

"O Kellyanne, rentest thou thy face from Dr. Lao?"

Extreme Vetting

Trump Finds New Home as Mascot for Cracked

Don't forget to remove the seed of that

Mexican avocado you paid 20% more

for to build Trump's Wall.

"I signed this all by myself.  I have the best penmanship."

Of course the media is the 'opposition party', Mr. Trump. 

 That's why the First Amendment prohibits government

from abridging the freedom of the press.

Headlines We Like to See #10

'The end of Sarah Palin is here.'

Lest the mystique of his Golden Coiffure be dispelled,

Trump needs to wear a hairnet when he boards

Marine One.

"Leave Barron alone!"

"Trump doesn't have to give a gag order to make me gag. 

I gag reflexively at the sound of his voice and the look on 

his face."

Media Agrees to Shut Up and Listen When Steve Bannon

Sobers Up, Showers, Shaves, and Combs His Hair

"Big bottom

Big bottom

Talk about bum cakes

My Prez's got 'em.

Big bottom

Drive me out of my mind.

How can I leave this behind?"

Sean Spicer Showing How to Hold a 1/2 Pound Six Dollar 

Nothingburger from Carl's Jr.

Six days into his administration and Trump's approval 

rating has dropped to 36%. He still has a ways to go

before he surpasses Dubya's 25%.

Trump Holding His Copy of My First Coloring Book

"Have I told you how sick I am of me?" Kellyanne Conway

 asks. That makes it unanimous: EVERYBODY is sick of 

Kellyanne and her lying eyes, ears, nose, and throat.

"Talk to the hand, America, talk to the hand!"

What Kellyanne Conway Read as a Child

“Better to get your news directly from 

Der Trumpenführer. In fact, it might be 

the only way to get the unvarnished truth.”

We now have two Annoying Oranges to deal with.

Paul Ryan says there are 'different ways of defining' just

 how Mexico will pay for Trump's Wall. One way would be

for the U.S. to pay the wall-builders' wages in pesos.

What had long been expected has now been confirmed:

Paul Ryan is a charter member of the Soupy Sales Society.

"Bring me the head of whoever put up the Resist sign

in the Oval Office!"

Fearguth will be heading out to sea tomorrow for Jam

Cruise.  Look for him to return online in about a

week.

Dennis Miller Has Vowel Movement on National Television

Rick Perry ‘Regrets’ Calling for Elimination of the Energy 

Department Now That He knows It Does More Than Just 

Wind Up Flipping Monkey Toys

Kent Sorensen thought he would get two years probation,

but, instead, he got 15 months in prison for being

so goddam ugly.

Trump would have finished his inauguration speech sooner,

but he kept getting interrupted by people who thought he

was the Mar-a-Lago receptionist.

Mick Mulvaney, Trump's Budget Director, Balances

Household Budget by Not Paying Payroll Taxes for

Domestic Servant for Five Straight Years