(a guest post by walruskkkch)
Good evening Mr and Mrs IMAO from border to border and coast to coast and all the Moon Nukers at sea. Let’s go to the news that’s fit to fake.
Flash! Trump’s Electoral vote count tumbles. Hillary still manages to lose. Liberals still pretending a connection to sanity.
Dateline: New York
“Electoral College – Safe spaces? We don’t have no stinkin’ safe spaces!”
Ending a vicious and highly vocal campaign to change minds with sweet reason, Liberals could only claim a partial victory as 2 Trump-pledged Electors changed their votes today in protest. “After insulting them, belittling them, and threatening them with bodily harm, death and worse – like sexual favors from Madonna – we could only get two”, wailed Moonbeam Smith-Smith, Junior at Bennington College.
“Its just not FAIR!” she repeated over and over again before retreating to her safe space and therapeutic finger painting.
In a bit of related irony, Hillary Clinton actually lost more voters than Trump. Including one to ‘Faith Spotted Eagle’ (either a Native American or a grammatically challenged statement of action from a children’s book).
Given the positive retrograde trend, several Hillary supporters hoped that “Plan Mirror, Mirror” might have been activated. The long-shot plan was to have Clinton get a negative vote total, then the universe would reverse itself into a mirror image where all things are opposite, thus providing Hillary with the win. Clinton – oddly sporting a brand new goatee – did not offer a comment, but did contribute a complaint about wombats who got her drink orders wrong and then started miming herself as being trapped behind an immovable walker.
With the penultimate hurdle hurdled, the final hurdle to hurdle will be On January 6, 2017, when current members of Congress meet to count the electoral votes and declare the winner. Social Justice warriors still hope for a final desperate act on someone’s part before that time to prevent Trump from really, really, REALLY being President. “We are thinking about a Toga party or getting the Germans to bomb Pearl Harbor” said notable escapee from reality
Paul Krugman, “I mean, Great Marx’s Ghost! PRESIDENT TRUMP?!?” he screamed over and over until the new sedatives kicked in and they closed the door to his padded cell at the Happy Dale Rest Facility, formerly known as the New York Times.
That’s the all the news we could make up for today. We’ll do better tomorrow. Or not.
Walrus Winchell over and out.
Send to Kindle
(4 votes, average: 4.75 out of 5)
