TextsFromLastNightಪರಿಶೀಲಿಸಿದ ಖಾತೆ

(856): So before Superbowl weekend lets all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls AKA touchdown shots and kitchen crying

(703): Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country

(606): I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM

(541): He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.

(530): When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office

(516): its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved

(978): He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.

(503): If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.

(+31): He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?

(919): It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.

(508): You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...

(818): my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it

(858): He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him

(817): maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.

(707): You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.

(512): Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong