First, nothing I'm saying here should be construed as an argument against taking responsibility for one's food allergies, or of politely and reasonably informing others of them when appropriate. You seem to have mis-contrued my comment as taking that kind of position, which I agree is absurd. That said, I'd like to address a few of your comments.

If your husband has a soy problem, then you should know that the protein content difference between blended vegetable oil and TVP is the difference between potentially feeling unwell and having to bust out the Epi-pen while dialing 911.

I would not expect a host to cater to that

Forget your caveat about advance notice, which is a reasonable thing for a host to request, just consider the notion that a host should "cater to" potentially life-threatening food allergies. Which common usage sense of the phrase do you mean?

"(cater to) try to satisfy (a particular need or demand)." What, the same way that a considerate host "caters" to vegetarians, or Aunt Liz's latest fad diet? So a potentially life-threatening food allergy is just another inconvenience whose worst outcome is hurt feelings?

Or did you mean the other sense of the word, a la "(cater to) provide with what is needed or required." Like a considerate host is entitled to feeling resentment at their guests, for having to avoid unintentionally poisoning some of them?

Look, I'd be annoyed too if I invited someone for dinner and they told me, when the food was served, that they couldn't eat half of it due to a diagnosed medical condition. I'd only be annoyed because I would have gladly taken their dietary restrictions into consideration when selecting and preparing the meal, because even though their condition is outside of their control they should inform others. If they were following a fad diet or had some other non-medical dietary preference, I'd be annoyed at them for having a stupid diet and not telling me.

I'd also be annoyed as fuck if someone invited me to dinner, including an advance menu, and I made the mistaken assumption that home-made ragu alla bolognese would actually contain beef only to discover that they had adulterated it with a cheap filler. TVP is not a traditional ingredient in literally any cuisine, and is typically only used as a low cost filler in the cheapest tiers of commercial food suppliers.

The simple solution to all of this bickering is two-sided: when you have guests, it's always pertinent to remember to ask if anyone has food allergies or other conditions, in case they haven't ever told you or you have forgotten; when you are a guest, it's always pertinent to remind your host of any food allergies or other conditions you have, in case you haven't told them or they have forgotten.