News Leaving A Legacy: Barack Obama Just Became The First President Since Gerald Ford To Complete The White House Monster Burger Challenge Yesterday
News One Last Humiliation: The CIA Just Bungled An Attempt To Drop A Piano On Fidel Castro’s Funeral Procession Yesterday
News Fighting Back: Facebook Is Mailing Air Horns To All Of Its Users To Blow Whenever They See Fake News Nov. 28, 2016
News Faith In Humanity Restored! After These Students Were Defrauded Out Of Their Life Savings, Donald Trump Helped By Giving Them $25 Million Nov. 23, 2016
News Maddeningly Wasteful: The U.S. Navy Loses Over $45 Billion A Year To Submarines Sneaking Off With Whales And Living With Them Forever Nov. 22, 2016
News Animal Welfare FTW! Oscar Mayer Now Requires Pork Producers To Give Their Pigs One Thrilling Sexual Experience Before Sending Them To Slaughter Nov. 18, 2016
News Disgrace: The CEO Of Beans Has Stepped Down Amid Reports That There Can’t Be A CEO Of Beans Nov. 17, 2016
News First Steps: Donald Trump Has To Go Around The White House’s Neighborhood Letting Residents Know He Is Moving In Down The Street Nov. 16, 2016
News PR Disaster: The President Of Panasonic Has Been Forced To Resign After 60,000 Panasonic TVs Ascended To Heaven Without Warning Nov. 16, 2016
News A New Era: Donald Trump Just Whispered ‘Hope You Like To Make Ham, Motherfucker’ To A White House Chef Nov. 15, 2016
News Office Of The Future: Researchers Predict That Over 50 Percent Of Workplace Discrimination Will Be Automated By 2040 Nov. 15, 2016
News Shaking Up Washington: Donald Trump Just Appointed A Cloaked Man As Secretary Of The Hook Nov. 14, 2016
News Taking A Stand: Disney Will Add Donald Trump To Its Animatronic Hall Of Presidents, But It Will Be Able To Feel Pain Nov. 11, 2016
News Crowning Achievement: Donald Trump Has Just Accomplished His Lifelong Goal Of Kicking The Nation’s Most Powerful Black Family Out Of Their House Nov. 9, 2016
News Election Night Disaster: John King Tapped His Electoral College Map Too Hard And Fell Headfirst Into A Digital Hellscape Nov. 8, 2016
News Inspiring: When This Woman Was Feeling Too Lazy To Vote, Her Ovaries Burst Out Of Her Body And Dragged Her To The Polling Place Nov. 8, 2016
News Powerful: This Woman Wasn’t Born Before Women Could Vote, But She’s Still Pretty Fucking Old Nov. 8, 2016
News Democracy Win: Volunteers Across The Country Are Oiling Up The Sidewalks To Help Voters Slide Uncontrollably To Their Polling Place Nov. 8, 2016
