The 49ers lost to the Carson Palmer-less Cardinals by 12 points tonight in front of about 50 or 60 fans. Blaine Gabbert laid an egg and threw for 162 yards, along with a pair of picks and a pair of touchdowns. The most noteworthy thing the team did on the field was knock coconuts. The best highlight of the night,…

“What have you done for us, D.C. City Council?” asked the Nationals fan. “Well,” said the City Council, “we’ve ponied up over $700 million dollars to buy a stadium for a billionaire.”

Ken Pagan, the man identified by the Toronto Police Service as the dreaded beer thrower, turned himself in to police this afternoon around 7:15 p.m. Eastern Time. Per a release from the TPS, he has been arrested and charged with mischief.

TBS broadcasts MLB’s postseason each year, despite only carrying a few baseball broadcasts during the regular season. The network’s inability to do anything right produces embarrassing errors each season, and the one above is just one of at least four they’ve aired just tonight.

Everton striker and Ecuador star Enner Valencia returned to his homeland for a World Cup qualifier against Chile, where he managed to escape a series of encounters with Ecuador’s finest and avoid arrest for unpaid child support.

Neymar came off late in Brazil’s match against Bolivia tonight, not because the reigning Olympic champions were winning by a large margin—which they were—but because the Barcelona star suffered an injury that made his head bleed like Gretzky.

Joel Embiid finally got onto an NBA basketball court the other day, and we’re all excited to see what he can do. But they have a preseason for a reason, and for Embiid the exhibition games are necessary to learn how to drink water properly:

“Let me go out there and let me get one wave, just one wave before you take me in,” said a dumb kitesurfer quoting Point Break before his death off the Florida coastline about to be brutally pummeled by Hurricane Matthew, probably.

The Cleveland Indians were down a run to the Boston Red Sox in the third inning of this evening’s game. Within a nine-pitch span, they went from trailing 2-1 to leading 4-2 after Roberto Pérez, Jason Kipnis, and Francisco Lindor all slapped solo dongs to right field.

We like this dude, spotted at tonight’s Red Sox-Indians game. What do you think he’s screaming about? Chime in below.

49ers safety Antoine Bethea got a little overzealous while going for the ball (ostensibly) on this play. Instead of getting the pick or landing a hit on Cardinals receiver J.J. Nelson, Bethea slammed teammate Tramaine Brock right in the head. Brock had just managed to break up the deep ball, and he got a knock in the…

Larry The Cable Guy, a comedian who’s made $50 million telling redneck jokes, is a huge Nebraska football fan. At the Huskers’ game against Illinois last weekend, this dude challenged him to an arm wrestling contest. He broke his arm like a Thanksgiving wishbone.

Buried in Albert Breer’s column for MMQB this morning was a nugget suggesting just how seriously the NFL is taking their declining primetime TV audiences. Ratings in the 18-t0-49 demographic have fallen between 12 and 16 percent for Thursday, Sunday, and Monday night games, and the NFL, coincidentally or not, has…

The NBA and the NBPA are halfway through a 10-year collective bargaining agreement ratified in 2011, but each side has until December 15 to opt out of the current deal and potentially trigger a work stoppage. Over the past few seasons a huge TV contract, a series of astronomical team sale prices, and a more pugnacious…

Formula 1's triple world champion Lewis Hamilton had to apologize for being a human being today, after he Snapchatted through a pointless, boring, dull, boring press conference before this weekend’s upcoming race.

Zut alors! Le dinger!!!

The mighty Iceland national team trailed Finland by a goal as today’s World Cup qualifying match rolled into stoppage time. Clearly imbued with the power of the Norse gods, they turned it all the way around and left with a 3-2 win.

At this point, “creepy clowns” have been spotted in over a dozen cities, and at least one has supposedly lightly scratched a young boy. Whether or not we’re ready to admit it, our days of being able to walk down the street dressed as an evil jester with a chainsaw are over. Clown Purge has arrived.