Mark Twain

What would men be without women? Scarce, sir, mighty scarce.

What is the difference between a taxidermist and a tax collector? The taxidermist takes only your skin.

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.

Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.

What a wee little part of a person's life are his acts and his words! His real life is led in his head, and is known to none but himself.

Do the thing you fear most and the death of fear is certain.

Truth is mighty and will prevail. There is nothing wrong with this, except that it ain't so.

Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.

Soap and education are not as sudden as a massacre, but they are more deadly in the long run.

It's good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling.

All you need is ignorance and confidence and the success is sure.

When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain.

A person with a new idea is a crank until the idea succeeds.

Man is the only animal that blushes - or needs to.

There are lies, damned lies and statistics.

God made the Idiot for practice, and then He made the School Board.

Principles have no real force except when one is well-fed.

To refuse awards is another way of accepting them with more noise than is normal.

Good friends, good books and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life.

The public is the only critic whose opinion is worth anything at all.