Kim BongiornoVerified account

@LetMeStart

Took away TV privileges from my daughter as punishment so now both our afternoons are ruined. | Freelance writer. Parenting humor. In books. Writes YA & MG.

New Jersey, USA
letmestartbysayingblog.com
Joined July 2010
Born in 1976
174 Photos and videos Photos and videos

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  1. Pinned Tweet
    24 Oct 2015

    Husband: UGH that kid is JUST LIKE YOU. Me: Wonderful? H: M: Charming? H: M: Light of your life? H: [leaves room] Me: [shouts] SUPER COOL?

    17 replies 1,210 retweets 2,601 likes
  2. 10 hours ago

    Media: This is awful, everyone is going crazy! The country is falling apart! We need a distraction, what can we do? Beyonce: I got this

    8 replies 227 retweets 495 likes
  3. Jan 31

    Imagine having a haircut half as stylish as a woman in a movie who chops hers with kitchen shears in a gas station bathroom.

    6 replies 99 retweets 392 likes
  4. 11 hours ago

    "Feb-ru-ary," - Me, every single day for the next month.

    7 replies 52 retweets 115 likes
  5. 12 hours ago

    I should eat some of this coffee cake while my second lunch warms up to make sure my blood sugar doesn't dip dangerously low.

    11 likes
  6. 17 hours ago

    ok just hear me out…bananas, but when you peel them, instead of a banana, it's cookie dough

    8 replies 151 retweets 387 likes
  7. 14 hours ago

    4-year-old: I've been running around all day and I'm not even tired! Me: *struggling to keep my eyes open* I noticed.

    7 replies 156 retweets 1,718 likes
  8. 17 Aug 2015

    When my wife falls asleep in a public place, I shake her a little and yell, "DON'T YOU DIE ON ME!" People always clap when she wakes up.

    20 replies 1,921 retweets 3,076 likes
  9. Jan 31

    9 Uplifting Things To Say To Your Kids Every Day

    3 retweets 7 likes
  10. 14 hours ago

    Congrats to , our Humor Writer of the Month!

    2 retweets 8 likes
  11. Jan 31

    How to clean a mini-blind: Step 1: Just throw it away and buy a new one.

    3 replies 41 retweets 191 likes
  12. Jan 27

    So great that your kid's reading way above grade level. My son thinks his mirror reflection is him from another dimension.

    3 replies 41 retweets 164 likes
  13. Jan 24

    For all the men out there who think women should speak quietly amongst themselves, please know we are and it's called plotting.

    54 replies 1,065 retweets 2,773 likes
  14. Jan 14

    Just realized my cat could be covered in tattoos and I wouldn't even know.

    15 replies 575 retweets 1,251 likes
  15. Jan 25

    The magician's never-ending scarf trick but it's me trying to get a sanitizing wipe at the grocery store

    8 replies 367 retweets 734 likes
  16. Jan 29

    I was just yelled at for using too many paper towels while helping my wife clean up a drink that she spilled. Marriage is the best.

    10 replies 101 retweets 323 likes
  17. Jan 29

    Watching a horror movie in 2017 is like bringing your own lunch to a buffet

    15 replies 559 retweets 1,610 likes
  18. Jan 30

    Off to sleep. Can't wait to wake up tomorrow to find that friendship is illegal and we're at war with the sun.

    143 replies 7,182 retweets 19,899 likes
  19. Jan 30

    Sally Quillian Yates of The House Resistance, First of Her Name, The Unburnt, Queen of No Bullshit and The Constitution, Breaker of Chains.

    0:45
    Well that's awkward
    137 replies 9,125 retweets 19,027 likes
  20. 3 Apr 2016

    When I asked for some alone time, I didn't mean when I was bringing in the groceries.

    2 replies 73 retweets 163 likes
  21. Jan 30

    Marry the person who looks at you the way my kids look at bubble wrap.

    52 retweets 147 likes

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