Amy Schumer tries to be funny on the red carpet and does exactly what South Park mocked her for in their last episode.

cuentanueva · 2016-09-20T23:25:15+00:00

Prime minister of Malaysia = bad

Martial arts = good

earldbjr · 2016-09-13T16:36:06+00:00

Your cat neutered the vet? Brutal.

TaurineLine719 · 2016-09-21T00:02:21+00:00

She's like the drunk chick at the party that somehow got famous Edit:420 blaze it Edit:666 blaze it Edit:Holy shit never been this famous thnx Edit:Thanks a bunch

yellowdude9209 · 2016-09-20T14:29:11+00:00

While this may seem like a rational line of thinking and has its merits, I fear you may be missing the fact that just because someone was a soldier under a certain regime does not make them a) representative of that ideology or b) in this case, make him a Nazi. The grander takeaway is that in all likelihood, this individual's grandfather was probably just a regular guy who joined the army. This doesn't automatically make him a nazi, it makes him a German soldier. While you're right we should be wary of the ease to which entire cultures can fall into hatred and protectionism, we must also learn to empathize with the citizens living (and fighting) under regimes that promote hatred.

Aurora_Fatalis · 2016-09-21T01:56:21+00:00

Gold works in mysterious ways.

sohcea · 2016-09-21T01:33:51+00:00

Its depressing for kids who cant afford lunch. As a kid from a poor family in North Philly, I remember in 3rd grade we got free lunch but had to get our lunch tickets from our teachers. One week I asked the teacher for them but she said she didnt have them, so I didnt get lunch for 2 days. On day 3 I asked twice and she finally gave them to me and made a scene, and all the kids laughed at me. I dont know if it was on purpose or if she had a bad week, but 26 years later I still remember shit like this.

ThePeoplesBard · 2016-09-20T21:11:00+00:00

...As a fellow sufferer of migraines, I'm gonna write a song for this thread and Sharon. Be back in approximately an hour.

Edit (40 mins): Listen here: https://clyp.it/3203wil3

My Sharon, Migraine

G D C G x 3, G D CD G
Baby, this ain't just a burn between the eyes.
My head is pounding so, it's wishing I would die.
Baby, your honey-do list is gonna have to wait.
If I stand up right now, I'll puke my body weight.
My Sharon, migraine; baby, you are a pain.
My Sharon, migraine; you're driving me insane.
Darlin', I swear I'm not blind to your desire.
I'm blind to everything! My skull is on fire.
Darlin', stop asking me to hang these picture frames.
Your voice makes me want to hang myself then burst into flames.
CHORUS

JonathanBagel · 2016-09-20T17:55:26+00:00

The purpose of sex can even vary within the same relationship. Sometimes I want to make love to my wife. Sometimes I just want to fuck her.

smartcool · 2016-09-20T23:14:39+00:00

This would probably backfire in Cleveland.

PickledHitler · 2016-09-21T03:04:17+00:00

Plunge my god damn shit.

Edit: seriously? thanks...

Intrexa · 2016-09-20T21:31:54+00:00

Let's dispel once and for all with this fiction that Barack Obama doesn't know how to use chopsticks. He knows EXACTLY how to use chopsticks.

iamAnthonyBourdain · 2016-09-20T20:30:05+00:00

I would like to see the pumpkin spice craze drowned in its own blood. Quickly. Juice--I don't understand the juice cleanse. I mean, if you've ever had a colonoscopy, the doctor gives you something that will cleanse you right quick, so I don't really understand juice cleanses. I believe celiac disease is a very serious ailment, and if you're diagnosed with it, I'm pleased that there are now gluten-free options, but these people who are treating gluten as, you know, an equivalent of Al Qaeda are worrying to me. So, I'm uneasy about that.

Also, overuse of the word "artisanal". You know, an artisanal potato chip? What does that mean other than it's an expensive potato chip? Oh, I'm also no big fan of the judgmental barista and beer nerds. I mean, I like a good craft, but don't make me feel bad about my beer choices. You know what kind of beer I like? I like cold beer.

I would like people really to pay more for top-quality Mexican food. I think it's the most undervalued, underappreciated world cuisine with tremendous, tremendous potential. These are in many cases really complex, wonderful sauces; particularly from Oaxaca, for instance, that date back from before Europe. I'm very excited about the possibilities for that cuisine, and I think we should pay more attention to it, learn more about it, and value it more. This is frankly a racist assumption that Mexican food or Indian food should be cheap. That's not right.

Zwitterions · 2016-09-21T01:14:35+00:00

Actually not too bad if you dive a bit deeper into the logistics of what causes an accident. These are some of the best pilots in the skies flying at these events and they have tons of safety procedures in place. The plane sitting in the middle of the runway has opened his cockpit to signal to the event officials that his plane is not operating properly and he will need a tow from the runway.

The operators in the source video talking about raising their red flags to signal to the racers that they need to abort takeoff procedure immediately. The problem is that the plane that strikes the stationary plane is what's known as a "tail dragger." Here is a picture of the plane that struck the stationary plane. Notice that the pilots line of sight is actually below the nose of the plane? This means that until he gets enough speed for the tail end of the plane to experience lift, he can really only see out the side of his plane. That doesn't mean the pilot didn't make an error by missing one of the signals to abort takeoff but even if he did see the flag, he really had no way of knowing which way he needed to dodge since the stationary plane was directly in front of him.

doessomethings · 2016-09-20T14:52:59+00:00

You might be about to have another child, because there seems to be a serious lack of periods in this post.

(But seriously, that sounds like no fun. My personal suggestion is to have a very serious talk with him about this issue, and if he is not receptive, explain to him why not considering your needs is not going to work.)

toastii_ · 2016-09-20T19:46:07+00:00

Racism apparently.

Analyidiot · 2016-09-20T23:03:35+00:00

Whatever their favourite song is. To see the joy in their face the first time, maybe the second time, but after that, the pure agony.

DudeWithHoodie · 2016-09-21T01:56:45+00:00

I'm black, an American citizen and a veteran. I have been involved in situations with officers and have gotten off by being polite and even friendly (being associated with the military does wonders with this...go figure.) There was a time where I believed that I could talk my way out of any of these hostile situations...how naive. If I ever find myself surrounded by officers I'd be certain that I might die.

What a lot of people don't understand about minorities is that we don't have good relationships with law enforcement, a lot of us have grown up in heavily policed areas and have had negative experiences with law enforcement.

On the flip side a lot of you have had great experiences that "color" your view of everything involving the mistreatment of minorities. If you haven't grown up in these environments then you can't possibly know what it's like to watch as a 300 year old systematic racist machine continues to uproot your communities and kill your people.

People post photos of them using Kaepernicks jersey as a doormat but the moment another unarmed black man is killed (which is the entire point of his protest) and there is a wall of silence. No outrage, no demonstrations, not even a dank meme. Just silence. But you're not racist?

Ok.

TheGrayBadger · 2016-09-21T01:25:32+00:00

Not sure why you know so much about this, but thank you random stranger. my "TIL" of the day

Prof_Establishment · 2016-09-21T01:32:56+00:00

Excuse me? Are you here to inspire or to bully?

mazhas · 2016-09-20T16:26:37+00:00

Took my ex to meet my family back in January (out of state). We hit up the small town thrift store (been around since the 50s; cool vintage joint) that was around the corner from my folks. They had this sterling silver fish ring she was obsessed with. It was gaudy, $75, way too big, but definitely her "look". Christmas had just passed but her birthday was the following month, so I chalked it up as a gift idea. Snagged one of her rings a few days later for measurements.

She passed away shortly after that trip and before her birthday. Visited the family a few months later and since the thrift shop was a few blocks away, and a ritual to visit, I walked over. Browsed around for a bit and saw that dumb ring staring at me in a new section. Sighed and bought it. The ring isn't my cup of tea and I'll definitely never re-package it for someone else. Spending $85 (yeah the price went up) on a ring I'd never wear or give to someone definitely hurt my frugal side.

No regrets though. It's safe and stashed away in her "box of stuff".

Dr_Gene_Kaufman_Esq · 2016-09-17T19:24:41+00:00

Job hunting

lying_Iiar · 2016-09-21T01:16:41+00:00

Smoking pot with your kids isn't cool, fwiw.

When you're 17, maybe you don't know that yet.

I'm not against pot, but I would never set that example for my child.

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