Raw meat

Recovering from the cold. CStM is taking longer but then I’m used to recovering from damage, due to many years of frequent practice. Still finding it hard to concentrate though, which is delaying book production but not for much longer.

Tomorrow I collect my car and Thursday the long trek to Scotland begins. This time, we’ll stop halfway or thereabouts because we’re both still groggy from infection and doing the trip in one go doesn’t appeal.

Anyhow, none of this is relevant to the title.

Who remembers the arrival of Carrefour supermarkets? Before they ventured into Wales, shopping meant visiting the butcher, the grocer, the fishmonger and so on. Suddenly it was all there under one roof, in a vast warehouse sized shop.

Lately, the supermarkets have taken to setting up bakery areas, fishmonger, butcher, delicatessen etc in-store. Less like a food warehouse and more like a one-roof indoor market. One crucial aspect remains the same though. It all goes into one trolley.

In those far off days, you’d buy meat in the butcher’s shop and it would be handed to you all wrapped and ready to go in your bag. The butcher would cut the meat, or slice the bacon, while you watched. No mass production in that shop.

Now it’s all pre-wrapped in shrink wrap (sometimes double shrink wrapped and damn near impossible to get into) and should be perfectly safe but… it’s made in a packaging plant. There is no possible way to absolutely guarantee that the outer wrapping is free of meat-origin bacteria. There won’t be many, but bacterial contamination can do something that chemical contamination can’t do. It can grow.

They won’t grow very much on a plastic wrapper in a fridge, of course – but if they are in a trolley and get on to other food, well…

Even in recent years, till operators in supermarkets would put your raw meat into a small plastic bag before you put it in your carrier bags. The carrier bags themselves were single use so internal contamination of the bag didn’t matter. Now they have to charge you for the small bags and for the carriers too. So you don’t automatically get either, and most of us re-use carrier bags until they fall to bits.

Add in the modern insistence on microwaving everything or cooking until it’s just warm and not properly incinerated and it’s no surprise that food poisoning is on the rise.

When microwaves first appeared, we microbiologists investigated their potential as rapid sterilisation machines. They were crap at sterilisation, so we still use high pressure steam in autoclaves. Bottom line: microwaving cannot guarantee food is completely bacteria–free although as long as it goes above 80degC in the middle, there should be nothing dangerous left.

Now the Food Standards Agency is calling for free plastic bags for raw meat, in direct defiance of the Green insistence that we have to pay for those bags.

I think there could be a small war brewing. Time to get the popcorn ready…

Nose mucus and overseas books

CStM and I are the slime twins today and we both feel like crap. Nothing at all has been achieved today. Concentration is impossible, our heads are filled with wet sand and we are going through a small forest worth of tissue paper.

Fortunately nothing is open today anyway so we didn’t have to go anywhere. Our combined mucus production has kept visitors at bay too so it’s been partly restful, partly worried that we might both morph into Jabba the Snot.

Anyway, I have less than 48 hours before I have to drive an unfamiliar vehicle along roads I don’t know to get it here so we can go home.

It’s not too bad, I have some practice doing this with hire cars but this one is actually mine so it matters if I break it.

Still, recovery before collection is imperative. It’ll be even harder to drive if I blast a nose jellyfish onto the windscreen!

So, in lieu of anything sensible, here’s what happened when RooBeeDoo sent a copy of The Underdog Anthology to her friends in America…

 

Status update

I can’t get home before Friday because I have to wait until the car is ready, and can’t access most of my email accounts at the moment. When I get back I’ll set up a Leg Iron Books account and attach it to the laptop so I can be in touch anywhere, but for now I’m only really accessible through the blog.

The Goddess of Protruding ears does need a cover adjustment, as pointed out in comments, to make the text clearer. I have a lot of internal formatting to complete (this one has a glossary of terms with hyperlinks and each definition has to send you back to the right place in the book so it’s a bit more interesting to put together). However, this takes only time, it’s not hard really.

So by Friday I’ll have the internal eBook text for that one all done and at home I can sort the cover text. I have the internal print book text ready, that just needs a completed cover. It’ll be out next week.

Soon this damn holiday period will be over. It’s a real pain having two weeks when the country is pretty much closed. It delays everything. In future I have to arrange to have nothing important to do in these two weeks.

I’ll get this fledgling business off the ground if it kills me.

Cower, children, and let the Authorities protect you

In Cologne, police rounded up pretty much anyone who looked like they might be from North Africa and questioned them. It’s not surprising after last year’s debacle – 600 sexual assaults and 400 robberies (numbers might not be accurate, I don’t have access to official figures here) in one night of New Year celebrations.

It was much calmer this year because the police were everywhere. If they had been out in force last year, there might not have been such a festival of crime but then there would have been no headlines for either year.

So last year was the fault of mass uncontrolled immigration and… so was this year. Huge authority supervision of the New Year party. It’s what the people wanted.

There was a vicious attack on unarmed civilians in Istanbul, Turkey. Santa with a Kalashnikov killed and injured a lot of unarmed civilians, because that’s how Islam operates. Kill those who have no involvement in any kind of anti-Islam activity because they are the ones who are not expecting it. No point going after the politicians who give the orders. They have security and they are watching out for trouble. No, far easier to kill the innocent. Our side would never do that…

…apart from the attack on an Istanbul mosque hours later. Same principle really, the harm was less deadly but severe nonetheless, and only unarmed civilians were attacked.

We are to believe all Muslims are the enemy though, so the retaliation attack is treated as if it’s just to be expected. Even though attacking civilians really makes our side the same as theirs.

Meanwhile we are now to cower in terror in case Islam unleashes mustard gas on us. Really, a first world war weapon anyone can make in their kitchen although unless you know how to contain it, that’s a really bad idea.

And yet… and yet… is there absolute proof ISIS are doing this? The retaliatory attack on a mosque was very fast. Like they were all ready to respond. Just an observation.

The nightclub gunman’s shouts of ‘Allahu Akbar’ only appeared in the third or fourth report. The rape fest in Cologne last year might or might not have been Muslim perpetrated, the implication is that it was.

And now we have to watch all local Muslims carefully in case they start wearing first world war German helmets with spikes on top and digging trench systems in their back gardens.

Neighbour is to watch and report on neighbour. Trust nobody. Anyone around you could be a thought criminal. All the multiculturalism is approaching the end point of its real intention now. All those who supported it, and who still support it, as a good thing, are the useful idiots of our time. Their usefulness will soon expire and to be honest, I’m happy to let them find out for themselves what that really means.

No need to worry. Authority will protect you. Wear your onesie baby romper suit, sip from your child safety cup, drink water from your nipple-equipped ‘sport’ baby bottle, watch meaningless sanitised childish crap on your TV and stay in the confines of your play pen. You’ll be fine. Nanny will make the bogeyman go away.

No she won’t. The bogeyman is what keeps you in line. Tales of the bogeyman are going to keep on coming. Nothing will change until you finally realise one thing.

The bogeyman is Nanny’s invention. Oh it’s real, but only because Nanny made it real.

Even the bogeymen don’t realise that Nanny controls them too. They can only hurt the ones Nanny lets them hurt.

Don’t be disobedient, children. Nanny will tell the bogeymen where you live…

 

2016 – nearly over

It’s almost finished, this year of strange happenings. The year when the UK voted to leave the EU and Government had absolutely no idea what to do because they hadn’t planned for that result. The losers are baying that the vote wasn’t their type of ‘democracy’ and demand that it be ignored.

Yeah, the type of ‘democracy’ in which the majority shut up and do as they are told. More usually spelled ‘dictatorship’.

Rather like the result of the US presidential election, in which the ‘wrong’ candidate won. Now we have the spectacle of Barry O’Blimey using his last days of power to turf out Russian diplomats because he’s convinced that his side lost because Putin interfered.

Yeah, because a communist country really wants a right wing government in America…

Putin is waiting for Trump to become President before deciding what to do next. He’s not rising to the Left’s attempt to sour international relations for the incoming government.

Really, the only question I had about the US election was ‘Of all the millions of people in America, those two were the best candidates you could find to put up as leader? Really?’

Surely there’s at least one person in America who is president material? If those two are what you present to the world as your best, what the hell are the rest of you like?

But then when I look at the leaders the UK and Scotland have put in power, I have to admit we don’t look any better. All we have are vacant idiots who just do whatever they are told by unelected control freaks and enact laws based on no real evidence whatsoever. Maybe the US has the better leader, we’ll have to wait and see.

It’s also been a bad year- especially around Christmas – to be famous. A lot of celebs left us. It’s almost like an end of year clearout of the old gang to make room for new rich socialist celebs.

As for me, I changed house, changed career and have now changed car. Well almost. My tatty little Ford is in the garage at home and has now been officially declared off the road. It’s not legal to touch public tarmac now. I’ll fix it before I sell it – might actually get more than a bag of beans for it that way.

In Wales, cars are a lot cheaper than in Aberdeen. I bought a RAV4 with a budget that, in Aberdeen, would have stretched to a Nissan Micra or a Fiat 500. It’s far from new but in good shape and hasn’t been to the moon and back as many times as my old car. I can’t get it until Wednesday which delays the return trip to Scotland by a day or so.

Once home I’ll have access to all my email accounts again and all the publishing programs on the desktop. I had not anticipated the delay but should have expected it. This sort of thing always happens.

Maybe I should port all publishing work to the laptop. That would make the laptop fully tax deductible because it’ll be completely associated with the publishing work, and would mean that wherever I go, I’ll have all of it to hand.

So, for 2017, I have to be more organised and improve my anticipation of difficulties and delays.

It’s a tough call, but worth a try…

Number Three

I am in a period of enforced sociability because CStM and I are visiting Wales over Christmas and New Year. That’s why I am so uncommunicative at the moment. I have so, so many relatives…

I also have limited eMail access. I have to do it through a browser and can’t always remember the passwords  :/

I brought some copies of The Underdog Anthology to spread the word with a few free samples. Unfortunately I was too late to get copies of Hugo Stone’s ‘Cultish’ to bring with me but I’ll order some as soon as I get back.

I had the idea for the publishing business in March, then went through moving house and much procrastination and thereby failed to hit the Halloween deadline I had set myself for the anthology. Still, it’s a learning curve. I now realise how long it takes to put an anthology together so I’ll give myself more time for the next one.

Surprisingly, novels are faster. I had expected long stories to take much longer to deal with but it’s not the story, it’s the authors and all the fiddly finance and legal bits that take the time. With a novel there’s only one author to deal with. Also, with an anthology of nine authors, everything arrives in different formats and on different word processors and I’m sure most will remember the total bugger-up of my attempt to reformat it all at once… next time I’ll format each story before combining them.

The business is running at a loss at the moment but that’s okay. With the UK’s ‘tax on account’ crap, making a big profit in year one will kill any small business because the taxman wants this year’s tax and next year’s too. It’s better to build up gradually and to start with a zero or small loss balance. Being a success is frowned on by our Government, no matter who is in charge. You have to sneak up on them slowly.

So the count at the end of the first nine months of what started as Underdog Books, and is now Leg Iron Books, is two published. I think that’s not too bad for a one man startup with no real idea what he’s doing.

The Underdog Anthology on Amazon and on Barnes and Noble in print and eBook formats.

Cultish, by Hugo Stone, on Amazon and on Barnes and Noble in both formats.

Both available as eBooks on Kobo, Sony, Apple, and other places too.

I’ll move some of my earlier books to Leg Iron Books to swell the catalogue, gradually.

Next up is Justin Sanebridge’s romance across time, ‘The Goddess of Protruding Ears’. It’s not as raucous as Hugo Stone’s story but it’s a good read and even if you get confused by the time switches, everything is neatly tied up at the end. I hope to get enough time away from family to get it into the print process before returning to the Scottish remoteness but if I don’t, it’ll be a matter of days after that. Mid January at the latest.

Cover art is, as with Hugo’s, already done by the author. Here, then, is a preview…

goodessfrontcover2Number three. Once this is done there are two more waiting for attention, so the faster I work, the better.

Who said being a publisher would be easy?

Oh. It was me…

Strange old man with a sack…

Tonight is the one night of the year when modern overprotective parents tell their children to sleep and stay quiet. A strange old man with a sack is going to visit them late at night and if they wake up and see what he’s doing, they must never tell.

This same strange old man has been watching them all year and has decided whether they must be rewarded or punished. Oh, they didn’t see him watching but he was always there. Under the bed, in the closet, in the creepy rusty van at the end of the driveway…

Watching. Always watching and always judging. Little beady eyes under huge eyebrows and tight pursed lips behind a vast amount of facial hair. Tonight, children, he’s coming to visit.

Have you been good?

If you’ve been good, presents come out of the sack. If you’ve been bad, you go in. Then while the good kids play with toys, all you get to play with is Santa’s sack. Forever.

If that’s not sufficiently disturbing, here’s a variation on what, if you read between the lines, is the creepiest Christmas song ever

You children out there
Who don’t want to die
You better take care
I’m telling you why
Santa Claus is coming to town

He’s made a hit list
Elf contracts are out;
The naughty children
They’re taking them out
Santa Claus is coming to town

He watches when you’re sleeping
Follows when you’re awake
He’s seen the things you did all year
Turning good – well, it’s too late!

He’s bringing his sack
To give and collect
You’ll never come back
If you’re not the best
Santa Claus is coming to town

He watches when you’re sleeping
Follows when you’re awake
He’s seen the things you did all year
Turning good – well, it’s too late!

He’s under your bed
He’s in the closet
Reindeer eyes of red
Still watch when you’re dead
Santa Claus is coming to town

 

Merry Christmas, cheeeldren! And in the season of festive goodwill, remember that the people your schools have taught you to hate, will just hate you back harder.

This is what happens when you get out of school and into real life.

It’s not the way you were told it would be…

Ho ho ho!