Joey Thompson

thank you thank youhttps://twitter.com/YTCreators/status/733386767328546816 …

I only go after a girl if she a dime. That is silverish complexion with the face of FDR #RelationshipGoals

I've always hoped there would be an episode of "Hoarders" where the person is hoarding nothing but boxes of "Hoarders" DVDs. #hoarders #meta

My Italian rap name is Fettuccine Wop #1738

Confession: I wasn't actually working at the Merrill Lynch inside Fort Sumter when the Civil War started. I lied to further my career #sorry

If I have twins I'm naming them "Religion" & "Politics" so people always have to talk about them to me.

My Yogi the Bear impression and Sylvester Stallone impression are the exact same voice.

When you see the cops you react like you saw your ex. Either you are cowering in fear or belligerently taunting them to their face.

My doctor asked me to do the Ryan Gosling impression today... which I found weird from a man who was cupping my testicles. #cough

I ran into my ex last week :( . To be fair though I honked the horn like ten times.

Do people in wheelchairs get offended when restaurants have a sign that says "please wait to be seated"? #justathought

I got fired as the director of the "Vagina Monologues" b/c I tried to turn it into a period piece.

Do you think when the band Smash Mouth goes to Waffle House they all order the All Star Special #heynow

I think the phrase "once in a Blue Moon" has a different connotation if you're an alcoholic.

I walked in on my roommates making love. I awkwardly sat them down and said "mom and dad you gotta quit doing this on the kitchen table".

I'm starting a Muslim based synth band called Qoran Qoran. First hit "Hungry like the proper submitter after fasting during Ramadan" #banger

Here is my latest video for my fake boy band Bad Boys Club #imnotdead https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PrDOP0RYlf4 …

My first instaham post. Follow me #teamoccassionallyfollowback #teamtimonandpumba #teamjacob http://instagram.com/p/jzCXOVoy35/ 

We are having a private premiere for our new skits this Thursday 7 PM @thehalfandhalf . Come out!!! We are only letting 20 people in at most

ATTENTION: My final Ry Goz vid is up WATCH NOW!!! https://www.youtube.com/embed/uURPrWVjI7Y …

I'm back & will be making my last Ry Gos video. "The consequences of looking like Ry Gos" begins filming soon. Should be a funny one!

Enough Manti Teo bullshit when are we getting back to the issues that matter like Kony 2012?

"I Had A Wet Dream"- pubescent MLK Jr.

I'm starting my own sector of Ralph Lauren clothes strictly for Latinos. It's called Cholo by Ralph Lauren.

This year's election is like a threesome. Not everyone is getting satisfied, but we're all getting screwed. #lesseroftwoevils

I think they should tie up pedophiles like a piñata on Halloween & let children beat them with sticks. #justathought

So Disney bought the Star Wars franchise. Does this mean the Epcot Center is being turned into the Death Star?

#NationalTextYourExDay Do they accept texts in Hell?

Too many young ladies are married to the wedding & not the marriage, ya feel me?

The only things on Adele's bucket list are a bucket of KFC a bucket of popcorn and a bucket of gravy.

There comes a time in every man's life where he must realize that he isn't and eagle and needs to quit jumping off his parent's roof.

Relationships aren't like your diet, you don't get cheat days.