It's time once again for Ask Mister Language Person, the column in which we answer common reader questions that we make up concerning how to use big words irregardless of what they may or may not technically mean per se.
Members of the Class of 1996, as I stand here before you, gazing out upon your eager young faces, watching me so intently, the question that comes to my mind is: What if I have to scratch myself? I'd have to distract you somehow, perhaps by . . . HEY! LOOK OVER THERE! THE UNABOMBER!
I guess everybody wants to hear about how I almost got killed by a possibly supernatural being. This happened about a month ago, and I blame Comet Hyakutake.
Spring is here, and I'm thinking about camping. Don't misunderstand me: I'm not thinking about actually going camping, in the sense of venturing outdoors and turning my body into an All-U-Can-Eat buffet for insects. I'm just thinking about camping.
The V-chip. A helpful tool for concerned parents? A threat to the First Amendment? An excuse for sentences without verbs? These are some of the questions raised by the recently passed federal law that will require new television sets to contain a little computer thing called a V-chip (the "V" stands for "Some word that begins with 'V' ").
The eight leading Republican presidential contenders squared off in a televised debate here the other night, giving New Hampshire voters, as well as millions of viewers across the nation, an opportunity to watch Friends. I thought the debate went very well, except for the part when I almost got killed.
Miami's inspiring transformation from a humble village dominated by wildlife poop to a large urban area full of insane, heavily armed people and mammoth cockroaches.
It's income-tax time again, Americans: time to gather up those receipts, get out those tax forms, sharpen up that pencil, and stab yourself in the aorta.
It's OK, people! Super Tuesday is over! You can come out now! Here's the situation: Bob "Bob Dole" Dole is definitely going to be the Republican nominee.
I was looking for some action, so I went over to the University of Miami (official academic motto: “Our Students Are Hotter Than Your Students”) to watch the 239th Republican presidential debate.
From Florida's Python Challenge to the candidates most likely to get us into World War III, Dave Barry and Carl Hiaasen lobbed a few choice zingers about the 2016 presidential campaign Tuesday night at the Miracle Theater in Coral Gables.
As promised, I have used investigative journalism techniques to determine the names of the leading Republican presidential timbers currently barging around Iowa. It turns out that there are nine of them: Keyes, Lugar, Alexander, Forbes, Buchanan, Taylor, Dole, Dornan and Gramm.
Every four years, vast hordes of news media and presidential contenders flock to Iowa, hoping to find the answer to a question that is fundamental to our democratic political process: Will our rental cars start?
It is time once again for Ask Mister Language Person, the award-winning column whose motto is: "People judge you by the way you talk, especially if you spit on them." In this popular feature -- the only language column endorsed by both Hootie AND the Blowfish -- we answer your common questions about grammar, vocabulary, punctuation, entomology and the U.S. Tax Code.
Miami Herald columnist Dave Barry has been in New Hampshire covering the Republican and Democratic primaries, and avoiding cranky moose. Here is a look back at what Miami’s favorite funny man found interesting in New Hampshire.
Miami Herald columnist Dave Barry goes in search of protesters in New Hampshire - the "live free or die" state - and ends up in a gaggle of passionate Ted Cruz fans.
And so, at last, the time has come for the people of New Hampshire to make their voices heard, and then shut up because frankly we are getting tired of them.
I watched the Republican debate in the press facility here, and it was excellent. I don’t mean the debate was excellent; I mean the press facility was. I’ve been coming to the New Hampshire primaries since 1984, and back then WARNING WARNING OLD-FART RANT AHEAD the press would be jammed into some dingy back room and fed surplus baloney sandwiches left over from the Korean Conflict. Also we did not have the Internet, so when we needed facts, we had to make them up manually.
I drove here from Nashua in what I would conservatively estimate, as a South Florida resident, to be the worst blizzard to hit North America for the past 800 years. I was terrified. I am typing these words with my nose because I have been unable to release my grip on the rental-car steering wheel.
Dave Barry has been at the Herald since 1983. A Pulitzer Prize winner for commentary, he writes about everything from the international economy to exploding toilets.
Miami Herald columnist Dave Barry goes in search of protesters in New Hampshire - the "live free or die" state - and ends up in a gaggle of passionate Ted Cruz fans.
Natalie FertigMcClatchy
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Video: Dave Barry goes searching for protesters on the campaign trail
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Colombia's National Soccer Team trains at FIU's south campus
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Fatal shooting captured by officer's body cam
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Retiring St. Thomas Aquinas coach Dave Shepherd reflects on close to 40 years at the school
